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Salad Dressing Joke

“You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!” “Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad vith Russian dressing.” “RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY? “Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.” And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.

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Two Finger Joke

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers, “Sir can I have five beers please.”

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No Body Riddle

Q: What has a face and 2 hands but no body?

A: A clock

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Speed Bump Joke

I have a fear of speed bumps,

But I’m slowly getting over it.

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The Drunkard Joke

John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, he spotted the town drunk walking down the street looking like he was up to no good.

“Hey!” Said John, rolling down his window. “Your not heading for any trouble, are you?”

“No sir!” Responded the drunkard with a big smile, “I’m heading to a lecture!”

A lecture?! thought the cop incredulously at 1 am!? this I gotta see!

After following him for a few blocks John was surprised to see him going into his house.

“Hey!” John screamed  out his window. “I thought you were heading to a lecture?!”

The drunkard just held his index finger and headed inside.

Sure enough within a minute John heard the lecture loud and clear through the upstairs window, “JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING OUT ALL THIS TIME YOU NASTY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING…”

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Funeral Parlor Joke

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, “Thank you. Please come again.”

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Traveling Joke

So it was Jim’s first time leaving Europe, he was excited about visiting America and expanding his horizons. “Excuse me”, said a woman to him at the airport. “Do you happen to be traveling to America?” “As a matter of fact I am” responded Jim. “Do me a favor, my husband left to America 2 months ago and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. If you meet a fellow named John Dun, tell him to call his wife.” Jim happily complied and was on his way. He was barely in America for a hour when he saw a big building with the words Dun Watches, “Wow!” thought Jim “that was easy.” Jim walked into the building and asked the lady behind the desk “do you have a John here?” “Second door on the left,” was her reply. Jim saw a man walking out of the door drying his hands “are you Dun?” he asked. “Yes” came the mystified reply. “Call your wife,” said Jim, “she’s been waiting to hear from you.”

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