Joke About Cop Pulling Over A Drunk Man

“Haha”, thought  the cop  gleefully, when he saw the staggering man walking out of the bar towards the parking lot, “I’ll just wait until he pulls out and then I’ll pull him over for drunk driving.”

There was no doubt about it the man was as drunk as could be, after tripping over a rock and dusting himself off, the man slowly made his way towards his car swaying every which way.  After opening the passenger side door by mistake, the man finally opened the right door and sat down heavily in the driver’s seat.

After dosing off for a few minutes the man seemed to awake out of his drunken slumber and slowly put his keys in the ignition turning on the car.

The man barely started pulling out before the cop turned on his sirens full blast and headed over to the car, “alright buddy” said the cop, “get on out and let me see you walk a straight line.” To the cops surprise the man easily walked a straight line.

After passing the Breathalyzer test too, the cop was positively mystified, “how’d you get sober so quick?” question the cop.

“Get sober?” responded the man with a smile, “I always was sober, I was just distracting you so all my drunken buddies could escape without you noticing!”

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Drunkard Joke

The poor man was such a habitual drinker that even he was finally convinced that he was an alcoholic . At his family’s urging he went to see a psychiatrist. After a lengthy consultation, the doctor sternly ordered that hereafter, every time the patient got drunk he was to report his transgression the very next day.
A few days later the patient staggered into the psychiatrist’s office.
“I wanna report that I wash drunk last night,” he mumbled.
“For heaven’s sake, man, you’re drunk right now! ”cried the doctor.
“Yeah I know,” said the patient, “but I’m gonna report this tomorrow.”

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The Confused Drunk

A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

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Snail Joke

Tom’s wife was hosting a dinner party for some of her close friends, at their summer home. Moment’s before the guests were scheduled to arrive, she asked Tom if he would be ever so gracious to walk a block down to the beach to pick up some fresh snails for the party. On his way to the beach he passed the local bar, and figured he’d stop in for a quick drink before heading down to the beach to search for the snails.

One drink lead to the next, and before he knew it, it was 5:00 in the morning and he hadn’t gotten his wife those snails.

Quickly he hurried down to the beach, picked up a few snails, rushed home, and stumbled up the front steps, dropping the snails.

At that moment, his wife angrily opened the door asking him where he had been and how he had ruined her party.

Tom, looked towards the snails and said “C’mon you slow pokes! Just a few more steps and we’re there!”

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Walk The Line Joke

A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns on his siren and pulls the guy over. “Alright,” says the cop, when the man gets out of the car. “Walk in a straight line.” “I’d be happy to,” says the drunk “just stop moving the stupid line.”

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Cemetery Joke

‘Bob’s Tavern’ was right next door to a cemetery. One day in mid winter a drunk stumbled out of the tavern. Due to his drunk state he wasn’t careful where he was going and he fell into a freshly dug grave. “Help!” Screamed the drunk on the top of his lungs, “I’m freezing!”

Before long another drunk sauntered out of the tavern and made his way towards the first drunk’s cries. “I’m freezing!” Screamed the first drunk again.

“Of course you are” scolded the second drunk, coming closer. “You kicked off all of the dirt they had covered you with!”

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Drunk Driving Joke

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a  breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”

“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”

“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

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One Tracked Mind

A drunk man was in front of a judge. The judge says, ‘ Sir you’ve been brought here for drinking.’
The drunk says: ‘Okay, let’s get started.’

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The Drunkard Joke

John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, he spotted the town drunk walking down the street looking like he was up to no good.

“Hey!” Said John, rolling down his window. “Your not heading for any trouble, are you?”

“No sir!” Responded the drunkard with a big smile, “I’m heading to a lecture!”

A lecture?! thought the cop incredulously at 1 am!? this I gotta see!

After following him for a few blocks John was surprised to see him going into his house.

“Hey!” John screamed  out his window. “I thought you were heading to a lecture?!”

The drunkard just held his index finger and headed inside.

Sure enough within a minute John heard the lecture loud and clear through the upstairs window, “JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING OUT ALL THIS TIME YOU NASTY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING…”

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Alcohol Joke

Doctor: “I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol.”
Patient: “That’s OK. I will come back when you are sober.”

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