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Salad Dressing Joke

“You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!” “Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad vith Russian dressing.” “RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY? “Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.” And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.

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Rating: 3.7/5 (9 votes cast)
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Raising Kids Joke

Sandy and Norman were in despair. Their 3 year old son Timmy still had not learned how to talk. Not a word had escaped through those now 3 year old lips. One night at dinner, Timmy took a taste of his pie, and to their utter surprise and amazement, said: “You call this pie? It tastes like some tasteless mush!”. Sandy and Norman sat there in shock, for this was not just their son’s first sentence, but the first words he ever uttered! Once the initial shock had subsided, Norman asked “tell me Timmy, how come you never spoke until now?” “I never had any reason to” explained Timmy. “Everything was always fine.”

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Rating: 3.6/5 (37 votes cast)
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Misunderstanding Joke

Jim was in a bad mood, and anyone who got in is way was going to regret it.  Jim walked into his favorite restaurant and plopped himself down on a chair.   “Get me a steak well done with mashed potatoes. ” Three minutes later when his order came, Jim screamed “DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME SAY WELL DONE?!” “Why thank you sir” the waitress smiled,  “that was the first compliment I got all day!”

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Rating: 3.5/5 (55 votes cast)
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A Drink Joke

Sam heard all about the great service in the “Sleep Fine Hotel”, so after dropping his stuff in his room, he excitedly headed down to the hotel lounge. He was only there for a few minutes when a beautifully dressed waitress came over to him. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked. Sam took in a deep breath, looked around at the beautiful lobby and asked “what are my choices?” The woman’s gave Sam a strange look, and responded in an extra loud and slow voice, “yeees or noooo.”

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Rating: 3.4/5 (46 votes cast)
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Diet Joke

A group of prosperous businessmen were dining at the Sam’s Hotel in Las Vegas.
“Seems to me you are getting a little slimmer,” remarked one.
“I should be!” replied the other. “I went on one of those high protein diets. Nothing but expensive steaks and chops. And would you believe it?-in just two weeks I lost thirty dollars!”

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Rating: 3.4/5 (32 votes cast)
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Pork Joke

The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy.

After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth.

“Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moments pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!”

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Rating: 3.1/5 (379 votes cast)
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Double Portion Joke

Waiting hungrily on the lunch line, I eyed the hamburgers being served. Upon reaching the front of the line I asked, “excuse me, can I please have two burgers.” “You’ll get the same as everybody else,” the lady said in a bored voice. After hungrily eating my lunch, I walked to the garbage to throw out my plate, but I accidentally dropped my lunch tray in the garbage along with it. While I was digging in the garbage for my tray I felt a tap on my shoulder. “I’m sorry sonny” the lady said in a horror-stricken voice, “ here is another burger.”

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Fries Joke

Man – “I would like some fries, please.

Blonde at the counter – “Ok……………………… and would you like some fries with that?”

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Rating: 3.0/5 (200 votes cast)
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