My old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, “You’re next!”
After a while, I figured out how to stop them. I started doing the same thing to them at funerals!
“So Grandpa” asked Dave at his engagement party “your marriage to Grandma is legendary everyone talks about how you two get along so well and never fight, what’s the secret to your marital success?”
“Well” said Grandpa Joe after taking a deep puff on his cigar “it all started on the way home from our wedding, we hadn’t gone but a mile when the horse started giving us trouble I gave the horse a little whip and that’s when I heard your Grandma say in a low voice “that’s strike one.” A bit later the horse stopped again “that’s strike two” she said. The third time it stopped she grabbed my shotgun out of my holster and shot it in the head.
I was in shock! “What in the world was that all about?” I had protested at the time. “That’s strike one!” she said back to me. “And that is what I owe our marital success to.”
Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage. He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “congratulations Harry, I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.” “But sir”, said Harry, “a little bit confused, I’m not getting married until tomorrow!” “Yeah, I know”, said his boss.
I was very happy when an acquaintance of mine informed me that she was engaged. Trying to help, I told her that before my marriage, I went for premarital counseling and found it very helpful. “Oh, we don’t need counseling,” she quickly assured me, “we were both married several times before!”