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Horse Joke

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.

Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”

Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.

Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”

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Men? Romance?

After I waited patiently while my husband played a round of golf on our 18th wedding anniversary he and I went out to dinner at a lovely restaurant. We discussed many happy memories we’ve shared during the years. Then I said “Want to go for another 18?” “no” he  replied “I think it’s too dark now.” -Mary Leach

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Hunting Joke

“Help!” screamed the hunter into his cell phone “I was trying to shoot a deer and by mistake I killed my partner.” “OK” said the ranger into the phone “try to calm yourself down. First I would like you to make sure he’s dead.” “Ok” said the hunter “hold on one second.” Suddenly BOOM, than the hunter came back on, “yeah he’s dead.”

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The Addicted Golf Player

Two guys were playing golf, one of them was about to swing the golf club when he noticed a funeral procession going by on the street. The man stopped in mid-swing and closed his eyes and said a short prayer. The other man truly inspired, remarked, clearing his throat, “wow that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.” “Well”, the other man said “I was married to her for 35 years.”

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Absent From Church Joke

Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “don’t you know? that’s what recorders are for.” Harry’s face lit up “you mean I could record your sermon?”

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The Golf Trick

My husband, an avid golf player couldn’t help challenging my boastful son to a game of golf. He was in for quite a surprise when on the first swing my son got a hole in one. “OK” my quick-thinking husband said while subtlety winking at me “now, I will take my practice shot, and then we will start.”

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Football Thought

My mother hates sports so after being forced to go to a football game with her grandchildren this was her conclusion. Football consists of 22 men on the field desperately in need of a rest, and 40,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.

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Marriage Sports

A newly married couple went fishing on their vacation. Afterwards the wife’s mother asked her how it went. “Oh, it was terrible, everything went wrong, we overslept, and then we got a flat tire, and the worst part was that I caught more fish than he did!

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